The Happiest Place on Earth?

Isn’t it ironic that the supposedly “Happiest Place on Earth” is filled with so many unhappy people?

During the first year of our marriage, my husband and I bought annual passes to Disneyland. As we visited the park in our newly-wedded bliss, we were often surrounded by a contingent of decidedly unhappy people. From children crying in their strollers and teenagers bored with standing in line, to frustrated and bedraggled parents, it seemed like the only happy folks were Snow White and the seven dwarfs! (Minus Grumpy of course.) Why is it that so many people struggle to be happy even in a place where the sun always shines and service always comes with a smile? It is because Disneyland, like every other good thing in this world, requires patience to be enjoyed.

Christian theologians and ethicists have long upheld the importance of patience as a core component of virtuous character. For instance, Tertullian maintained that patience was the supreme Christian virtue and that impatience was the root of all sin.1 Scriptures present patience as a defining attribute of God’s character, which Christ’s followers should emulate as they live in community and await Christ’s second coming.2 Patience is listed as a fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5; it’s considered evidence of the Holy Spirit’s work in the life of a believer.

More recently, psychological scientists have begun to accrue evidence demonstrating the necessity of patience for life happiness and satisfaction. Patience is defined by psychologists as the ability to wait calmly in the face of frustration, adversity, or suffering. Higher levels of patience (as a character trait) predict higher life satisfaction, hope, goal achievement, and self-esteem, along with less depression and loneliness. Patience is not equated with passivity or lower levels of assertiveness.3 In addition, people who are more spiritual and religious typically have higher levels of patience.4

No Patience for This!

Despite the theological and scientific evidence supporting the importance of patience for spiritual and psychological well-being, many Christians do not actually aspire to become more patient. I study a variety of character strengths in my research lab. When I talk about my research, people will regularly exclaim that they have no patience at all. In contrast, I’ve never had someone say that they are completely lacking in gratitude or kindness. Why is it socially acceptable to be lacking in the virtue of patience, but unacceptable to lack gratitude or kindness?

Moral philosopher David Bailey Harned suggests that patience has become an unpopular virtue in western Christian culture since the industrial revolution. As we have become more and more able to control our natural environment, we no longer see waiting as a necessary part of life. Instead, we want everything to be instantaneous and believe that we should be able to eliminate all waiting and frustration through technological advancements. Thus, waiting, suffering, and frustration are seen as the result of technological malfunctions, and patience is viewed as a childlike and “unimaginative failure of nerve.”

This is a problem. Although our expectations have changed, life is still full of waiting (just take a look at the line for Space Mountain). To think that we can eliminate all waiting and adversity through our technological advances is hubris—a modern-day tower of Babel. In contrast, waiting and bearing frustration with patience teaches us humility as we acknowledge that we are not in control of our own lives.

Patience in Relationships

The modern rejection of patience has dire consequences for interpersonal relationships. New technologies cannot eliminate frustrating people from our lives, and we will always have to wait for others in relational contexts. For marriages to thrive, spouses must be patient with each other’s weaknesses. For children to thrive, parents must be patient in disciplining through kids’ process of growth. For a pluralistic society to thrive, people must be patient with those from different cultures with clashing values. So patience is vital for relational stability and communal happiness.

It may not be a coincidence that the first quality listed in 1 Corinthians 13 is that “love is patient.” We cannot truly love others unless we are willing to bear with them patiently. Let us take seriously the exhortation of Ephesians 4:2, to “be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love” as we live out our Christian call to love God and love our neighbors. And not just when we’re waiting in line for Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.