The Table Video

Psychologist Alexis Abernethy (Fuller School of Psychology) comments on the importance of psychological, emotional, and spiritual self-care in a flourishing Christian life.

Transcript:

Hi, thanks for checking out this video from the Table Conference on the topic Mind Your Heart. This video’s from Dr. Alexis Abernathy from Fuller School of Psychology. Alexis will be talking about the care of self, both psychologically, spiritually, physically, emotionally, and how that benefits us in our spiritual growth.

I am gonna be talking about self-care. And I want you to have an image right now. If you had a picture of self-care, if you brought that to mind, what would that be? Just take a moment to reflect on that. This is one of my images. [audience and Dr. Abernathy laughing] Now aren’t they adorable? And doesn’t this bring back memories of nap time?

Now if I’m honest, what I loved most about nap time was the cookies and milk. [audience laughing] I can’t remember whether it came before or afterwards, but I know there was cookies and milk. [audience and Dr. Abernathy laughing] But what I also think about, is as peaceful as those children are, that there was always a fight for me to get to nap time.

I don’t know about you. I did not want to take a nap, I wanted to continue running around. So now, as we think about in being adults, here’s another image. [audience and Dr. Abernathy laughing] Now, the first one was adorable and sweet. This one does make us laugh. But you see what those coworkers, you see this image here? I’m not sure I’m gonna be as good with the pointer. There, OK, yes, right here.

You see how, imagine what they’re talking about, [audience laughter] in terms of this coworker. Probably not the most pleasant ideas and thoughts. So one of the challenges here is that this image feels very comfortable and very right but this image we just might judge. We just might judge the folks that are taking what, very well might be, a power nap.

Now we all know the lingo of power naps but if you’re like me I enjoy my work, I’m engaged in it, I can work straight 3 and 4 hours without even thinking about it, and I think that’s great. I’m really into things. But maybe that is not the best example of self-care.

A student said to me that even if I finally have time and scheduled a time to do nothing, to just rest, to take care of myself, I don’t feel comfortable doing it. That was very saddening because you know, there was I. My parents, I’m a PK, Preacher’s Kid, my parents very involved in the church, in their work, the community I saw their achievement orientation but I did not see them rest. So we can have all this knowledge of sleep cycles and power naps and all of this but I’m encouraging us to rethink siestas. [audience giggles] Siestas originally meant midday rest.

A brief ten to twenty minute kind of nap. It’s come to mean rest in the afternoon that might be a couple of hours. Often related to the sun, the hot sun. But I’m suggesting that we really need to rethink this and consider the barriers because we may know what to do but what gets in the way of our doing it? There’s several things I would highlight, first are lack of models.

I just shared my parents’ example, wonderful examples in many ways but in terms of self-care, not so great.

Then one of the challenges is conceptually. How do we think about self-care and I’ll give an example of that in one moment. And then contextually some of us have been blessed to grow up in homes that there were great examples of self-care. But then we get in a work environment that can push us over the edge.

Now I’m sure that wouldn’t be the church environment right? I’m sure the church environment provides great examples of self-care. So here’s one way of thinking about the contrast, one of the things that the student was speaking to was almost to be, to have the luxury of doing nothing feels like it’s pampering yourself, but if we take that further self-indulgence goes even further. It’s indulging yourself but often indulging in something related to what Bill was talking about that may be harmful to you.

So you’re saying this is a positive thing. I quote, “Taking care of myself, or doing what I what to do.” But it’s actually going to have negative consequences that is not self-care. So one way of defining self-care, that I like, that’s interesting it’s showing on the screen but not here. OK. So these authors Goncher, Sherman, Haskins and Barnett a 2013 article have defined it as, “A balance within and between,” so I like that, “… within and between our personal and professional lives, student’s work lives, your work at home. Whatever kind of context you find yourself working while promoting optical, optimal mental, physical and spiritual well-being.”

And then this mental is in the broadest sense of the word including psychological. Now one of the things I like about the World Health Organization’s definition of self-care, they even broaden it to communities and institutions.

So self-care is not, even though self is there and that’s an individual definition they want you to think about it there’s things that you do but then that there are things that people in your life close family and friends but also institutions, churches, organizations can do to promote self-care. So it is not just an individual decision, it is something that a community can play a role in.

Well this is probably a quote that’s familiar to you, “A man is sawing. What are you doing? He asks, can’t you see? Comes the impatient reply. I’m sawing down this tree, you look exhausted, you exclaim, how long have you been at it? Over 5 hours and I’m beat. This is hard work. Well why don’t you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen that saw? You inquire. I’m sure it would go faster. I don’t have time to sharpen the saw, the man says emphatically. I’m too busy sawing.” Do I have a witness? [audience and Dr. Abernathy laughing]

Now I have read this quote a number of times. Do you know, only in preparing for this presentation did I see what is italicized. I typically think about it, you’ll be more efficient in your work if you think about how you’re working. So instead of just pushing in one direction, sharpen your tools, be more efficient but look what it says, “Take a break for a few minutes,” wow! Not just to sharpen the saw maybe. Just take a break.

Our context makes self-care challenging and some people have described the challenge of having and maintaining self-care in a toxic world. I do some work with pastors and clergy and these stats are sobering. 1950’s clergy had the lowest disease rates compared to other occupations. In 1999, the highest death rates from heart disease compared to other occupations. And then a more recent study, 10 – in North Carolina, 10% of United Methodist clergy, 10%, had 10% higher obesity rates than other North Carolinians.

Now there are multiple things that influence this, the stress related to the pastoral role, role emersion, we could list all of these things. But as I work with pastors and frankly think about my own father there’s also myth about dying to self and living for others.

And in the same process causing great detriment to our health. So sobering news but there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Self-care. What then might we do? I commend to you that we consider persisting in self-care, and know that this is not only an individual work.

I mentioned the community, the role of the community but thanks be to God that He meets us and leads us in this process. If we would just look to Him. So the physical, I’m going to highlight a little bit more the emotional, relational, spiritual, intellectual, there are these very important domains that I even encourage you to make your own personal commitment and frankly covenant about this with God. And some of you are already living this way. Thanks be to God. You are wonderful models for us to follow.

But what I’ve found over time, I just need to keep upping the anti, like I’ve been, made progress in this domain then He wants me to move and focus on some other domain. And then sabbath. What is our view of the sabbath? And I will highlight that in a minute. And then our theology of self-care. Now yes I did need a tea (audience and Dr. Abernathy laughing) so yes that’s part of it. But it’s the student’s comment that still stays with me. He made the time. He had a sabbath, if you will, but he was conflicted about actually taking advantage of this opportunity for self-care. So the keys to overcoming the barriers to self-care would be persisting in it.

Now this is a wonderful book that I commend to you by Loehr and Schwartz. I think I may have the actual reference on the next slide. Loehr and Schwartz, The Powerful Engagement. Here’s the main idea, that we all have the same amount of time in a day, 24 hours.

But the key to managing and maximizing performance and renewal, personal renewal, is managing energy not time. We all get the same amount of time. But we can really vary in how much energy we have. So here is some of the key points that they make, and there’s the reference.

It’s not the intensity of energy expenditure that causes burnout, but the duration without recovery. We’re made to have ongoing recovery and that’s not just when we sleep at night. We’re talking during the day. The things that we’re doing both are important. And too often we make expedient choices that get us through our days and nights but take a toll over time. That references us back to what Bill was talking about.

So many of us may be familiar with their circadian rhythm, 24 hour cycle of rest and activity, but the ultradian rhythms highlight the daily energy flow. It’s the idea that between about an hour and a half and two hours the body craves rest and recovery. This was a new idea to me. I did not know about this.

So when I’m pushing 4 hours I am going against what my body needs. And even if I don’t drink something that enhances it, I am just pushing my body and flooding my body with stress hormones. Which is part of what then causes negative, ultimately over time if you continually do that, negative health consequences. So here’s a visual that kind of captures that. You know you get aroused, your top performance is at that point that you see there, and then you need some kind of recovery.

Now many things can constitute that, breathing, it doesn’t always have to be in a nap. So I’m not suggesting take a nap every two hours but for some of us actually some people do, kind of do that. But to do something that constitutes recovery. Breathing, watching what you’re eating, your level of fitness effects all of that.

So I would be encouraging at least, and for myself even in working on this presentation I said, “OK, yeah I’ve been working for awhile. I feel like I need a little pump of energy,” that normally would mean getting something to eat, maybe some almonds, little power burst, and then the Lord said, “Why don’t you just try taking that 10 minute nap you’ve been talking about, read, writing about? [audience laughs] I did that. Amazing. Amazing. Came back with more energy and more focus.

So I’m going to highlight very quickly just emotional self-care. Anger management would be a very important thing to keep in mind. Not only for yourself but it influences how you relate to people. Sometimes because we don’t, aren’t comfortable with our anger or managing it in relationships we actually don’t say no when we should.

Sometimes our anger is not simply, it’s not destructive, anger is a constructive emotion which gives us a sense of when our rights have been violated. Spiritually, “the Lord is my shepard, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads my beside quiet waters. He restores my soul.” Will we allow Him to restore our soul? He knows he’s got to make us lie down, get that, makes us.

Because we still don’t want to take that nap. [audience giggles] The most powerful um experience for me was related to the theology of sabbath was my Systematic Theology Professor at Fuller, Dr. Colin Brown.

He talked about theology of sabbath, but most importantly he modeled it. He was giving a lecture just talking about that and some about his life and that convicted me and from that day my perspective and my practice related to that has shifted. “Be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” With His power we can do this. We can take better care of ourselves with His power. This is a lovely image of relaxation and maybe that will make us feel more comfortable with this image. Persist my brothers and sisters. Thank you.

Thanks for watching everyone. If you want to watch other videos from this same session check them out right here. And of you really want to follow all the videos that are coming out of the Center for Christian Thought make sure you subscribe to our channel.