Shortreads
Anger Toward God as a Spiritual Struggle
Julie Exline
How should we react when we feel angry at God?
Have you ever felt angry at God? If you have, rest assured that you’re not alone. In one large survey, about two-thirds of Americans said that they sometimes felt such anger.1 Studies suggest that when people focus on specific negative life events—for example, economic or family hardships, serious illness, psychological upheaval, physical pain, or bereavement—about half of those people report some negative feelings toward God. These negative feelings can include anger as well as more subtle feelings such as frustration, disappointment, and mistrust.
When Do People Get Angry at God?
In most cases, people become angry at God when they perceive that God is responsible for something harmful or unfair. These include the sorts of events that insurance companies would call “acts of God”—devastating events that can’t be easily blamed on another person, such as natural disasters. But it doesn’t take a tsunami or a hurricane for people to get angry at God. People can blame God even when another person is clearly to blame—for example, in cases of abuse, abandonment, or wartime atrocities. In such situations anger often centers on God’s seeming refusal to intervene to prevent evil or suffering: “Why do you allow people to do terrible things?” “Why don’t you stop them—or at least punish them?” Anger can also focus on disappointing events that are not necessarily traumatic, such as injuries, financial problems, or failure to get a coveted job.
Emotional Correlates of Anger Toward God
In emotional terms, is it a serious problem to get mad at God? Usually a brief flash of anger is unlikely to have major consequences for a person’s well being. Anger toward God shows clearer associations with emotional distress (e.g., depression, anxiety, physical symptoms) when it becomes more like a grudge—when it is intense, frequent, chronic, or recurring.2
Inner Conflict: Coping with the Anger
Feeling angry at God is a source of inner conflict, and many of us struggle to acknowledge these dark emotions. Many people see anger toward God as morally wrong.3 So when we experience such anger, we may feel uncertain about how to manage the feelings. Here are a few practical steps for dealing with anger toward God.
1. Admit our anger to other people.
We might be reluctant to tell friends, family members, clergy, or counselors that we feel angry at God. But a 2011 study suggests that supportive responses are crucial to resolution. A supportive response from another person may help people to approach God and work through the issues in a way that strengthens their faith.4 And yet, about half of the respondents to this study said that they also received some responses that made them feel judged, guilty, or ashamed. These unsupportive responses, in turn, were associated with further problems: continued anger toward God, more attempts to suppress and hide the anger, more “exit behaviors” toward God (such as withdrawal, rebellion, questioning God’s existence), as well as more substance use. Telling the wrong person, then, could actually create more turmoil for someone who is feeling angry at God.
2. Recognize the anger within ourselves.
Because anger toward God is often seen as wrong, it makes sense that many of us would have difficulty admitting such feelings to ourselves. We fear the shame that would accompany such an admission. For the devout believer, it might bring horror to entertain any thought of “biting the hand that feeds” by feeling anger toward one’s Creator, Savior, and Provider. But regardless of whether the feelings are right or wrong, reasonable or unreasonable, they are still there. And that can be scary.
“… deep down, we may hold real fears that God will punish us for being angry toward him.”
If people feel angry at God but don’t acknowledge these feelings to themselves, what options do they have? How can they manage these smoldering, potentially explosive feelings of anger without allowing them into conscious awareness? Somehow they’ll need to cover or deflect the feelings. For example, they may search for another person to blame. They may turn the anger inward, toward the self. Alternatively, they might take the path of disengagement and find that they are losing interest in prayer, church attendance, or other faith-based activities. Or they may go to the opposite extreme, engaging in marathon Bible studies or over-the-top service to their religious communities, all in order to prove their unwavering devotion to God.
With any of these responses, we can inadvertently add to our own suffering by failing to be honest with ourselves. It’s emotionally stressful to suppress intense feelings. And when we do so, the problems that torment us remain unaddressed, the wounds unhealed.
3. Talk to God about the anger.
Even if people are fully aware that they are angry, they may be reluctant to disclose such feelings to God. It may seem too dangerous. People make jokes about lightning bolts coming down from the sky; but deep down, we may hold real fears that God will punish us for being angry toward him. We may also worry that God will reject us or will withdraw blessings or protection. Even if people see God as totally loving and accepting, they may worry about disappointing God by admitting their angry feelings. They want to keep their interactions with God 100 percent positive and praise-filled, with no hint of trouble or complaint. The problem is that once the anger is there, it’s likely to cause more trouble if it’s left unacknowledged. And when big issues—elephants in the room—are left unaddressed, relationships often become tense or distant.
It’s ironic (at least from the perspective of people who believe in an all-knowing God) that people think that they can hide their feelings from God. Doesn’t this all-knowing God already know our thoughts and feelings? Are we ever really able to hide anything from God? Better to pray with the Psalmist, “Search me O God, and know my heart” (Psalm 139:23).
Resilience
Several studies have taught us that people who report the strongest, most resilient relationships with God tend to endorse two types of attitudes: First, and most crucially, they see it as wrong to exit the relationship with God: They don’t think that it’s okay to walk away, rebel, or reject God. Second, they do see it as morally permissible to assert themselves with God—to raise complaints or to ask God tough questions.5 There is a clear parallel here with human relationships: When we go through a rocky road in a marriage or a friendship, it’s often best to work through the problems openly and honestly—together.
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